Okay now there are too many of you. 

sebastian-thedisneyslave:

[Private]: How would I know if it’s hard? I don’t know any better, do I? I am told that it is the reason for my NPD, my eagerness to jump into bed with anyone humanoid with a pulse… I don’t know, it all comes back to seeking attention, doesn’t it?

Don’t beat yourself up about it so much. You were ‘trained’ not to say anything, I get that, but it’s not like you spilt every single minute detail about your life  - including the bits that sound so weird and suspicious that I’m not even going to ask because you’re right I doubt I would believe you - and even if you did say things you shouldn’t have said, it’s not like the therapist was going to do anything with the information, is it? And as guilty as you might feel, it’s good to get things out sometimes. Whatever you feel about your family doesn’t mean you love them any less. Everyone has issues with their family, it’s normal. In fact, it’d be really weird if everything to do with your home life was all sunshine and smiles. 

Because, like you said - wasn’t it hard not to have anyone? It sounds to me you needed someone more than I did. 

[Private]: I don’t know, maybe you’re right. But what you’re doing isn’t improving anything, is it? Sleeping around is nice, I get it. I do it, too. But these are strangers you’re luring into bed. Wouldn’t it be better to receive attention from someone in particular, that you actually like for not just their looks, rather than a random hook-up you barely know the name of?

Of course the guy wouldn’t do anything with the information, but still, it didn’t feel good. Even if I love them despite some things I’ve said—it doesn’t change that I’ve said things I’m not proud of and can’t take back. It’s not the fact that I have issues with them, because I know what families are like, but I should’ve told them rather than some asshole shrink that was basically a stranger.

But I wasn’t alone. I had Liz. I didn’t need anyone else.

Okay now there are too many of you. 

sebastian-thedisneyslave:

[Private]: I’d say thanks, but you’re right - I don’t want sympathy. Sympathy doesn’t change anything.

I guess you’re probably right… But I’d rather surround myself with people who I actually like and can relate to. Jackson and I just have no common ground, and it’s hard to pretend otherwise. I doubt it’d change anything, anyway. He’d try and do the whole ‘concerned’ thing, but he wouldn’t get where I’m coming from at all. People rarely do. But it’s the people that do who are actually worth your time. For me, I suppose family is more than just blood. I’m yet to actually meet this kind of people, but at least I know what I want, I suppose. 

Yeah, shrinks do that to you. They’re incredibly good at making you say things you don’t want to. That all sounds pretty mysterious, but I won’t pry. It’s not my place. It’s good that you take care of your sister, you should. Like you said, nobody should have to be alone. But who was taking care of you?

[Private]: Does sympathy ever change anything, really?

I know where you’re coming from when you say family is more than blood. And I understand. Sometimes people that aren’t blood related can be considered more of a family than those who are your blood. But isn’t it hard not to have anyone?

I guess they are. It’s their job, they have to be good at forcing things out of your mouth. But I was trained not to say anything, and to know that I failed at a task that easy… And, you know, if I would’ve felt good about spilling the truth, maybe it wouldn’t weigh on me as much as it did, but I said things about my family that I shouldn’t have said and I feel guilty for even thinking those things in the first place. Well, you can pry all you want, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you, anyway. Who took care of me? No one. Or, I don’t know, I guess I took care of myself… Why?

Okay now there are too many of you. 

sebastian-thedisneyslave:

[Private]: Well then, there is obviously something wrong with you, too ;)

Pretty much. It’s incredibly boring and cliche, I am aware. The only reason I was born was to try and save their failing marriage. My dad’s always either working or overseas fucking random women, and my mum’s either always drunk or in rehab. Mostly my dad just likes to throw money at me to make sure I don’t inconvenience him by dying of starvation or whatever. My mum’s generally out of it most of the time so she doesn’t have a fucking clue what’s going on. The only time when my dad takes an interest into my life is when I’m fucking shit up or ‘embarrassing’ him. 

Jackson and I… well, Mr. Hotshot is just as clueless as they are, really. He likes to strut around playing the ‘awesome older brother’ role, pretending that everything’s great when it so clearly isn’t. I don’t blame him, his version of reality certainly seems better than mine is, but he’s usually too busy fucking Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum to pay much attention.

Yawn. Enough of my complaining, I meant both.

[Private]: I thought we’d already agreed on that a while back?

I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not sure if you want sympathy. All I’m going to say is that, I don’t know, maybe it’s too late to get through to your parents, but you might still have a chance with Jackson? Maybe you don’t want that, maybe you don’t really care for things to take a turn, but family is important. And you can pretend all you like, but, really, who likes to be alone? Sometimes, confronting someone helps. Just, you know, tell him he’s being a dick and that family > love life. Sometimes, at least.

I don’t mind your complaints, seriously, after sitting through eighteen years of a whining twin sister, I can handle quite a lot.

Well, the shrink thing was temporarily. My adoptive father sent me there because he needed me to find some information on one of the guy’s patients. It should’ve stayed with a one-time only deal, but it went wrong. The shrink, he was pretty consistent. I was told to put up a story that was complete bull, but something snapped and instead I failed to resist the leather couch. I’m still not proud of that. I shouldn’t have told him anything, and I really had done it when I came back home with the news. My dad wasn’t pleased, to say the least.

And, well, we were adopted by a good family, we really were. Then our adoptive mother died. We were around the age of ten, I believe. It was bound to happen sooner or later, I guess, their lifestyle isn’t exactly without a risk. But our father, he couldn’t really cope with her death. They’d been closely knit together. Sure, they fought, but at the end of the day they loved each other no matter what. And I know it’s cheesy to say, but I guess part of him died with her. We were left with the alcoholic side, of course. He was barely home after that, working jobs and coming home when he was done, until he took us with him on the road because it became inconvenient to return back home every time. We kind of stayed in motels after that, at the towns he was working in. I took care of Liz, he told me to protect her, and I still do, even though she’s not a little girl anymore. I don’t think he ever realized we were just kids, so I don’t really blame him. I just wished I wasn’t raised into this life. I hate it.

Okay now there are too many of you. 

sebastian-thedisneyslave:

[Private]: Like I said, no remorse. They were fucking annoying before I came along and fucked with them, and they’ll be annoying after.

My father is a state’s attorney, and my mother is a former model. So fairly well off, yes. Neither of them, however, are particularly successful parents. At least where I am concerned. Jackson is the golden boy. I only had to take this job to ‘learn what’s it’s like to be a hardworking citizen’, again the words of my shrink. 

I’m definitely a crazy narcissist, but at least I’m interesting, right? I’d rather be fucked up and full of myself than weedy and boring and self-conscious. Who could live like that?

You sound like you’re speaking from experience, my friend. Care to share?

[Private]: Hey, I’m not judging. Not really, at least.

Ah, so you’re the neglected child. How’s your relationship with Jackson, then? And that’s a load of crap, if you ask me, it’s like working in a fucking circus here, only worse. How you can possibly learn anything out of this is beyond me.

I’d be lying if I said no. You are interesting. Frankly, you’re probably just as insane as I am, so my guess is that sane people are just really dull. So maybe the insane are just people that want to escape the boredom.

Care to share what? The part where I mentioned the comfort of a leather couch or the total lack of parenting I’ve had?

Okay now there are too many of you. 

sebastian-thedisneyslave:

[Private]: Meaning that my sharp wit, stunning personality and humourous quips are just so enticing that you can’t help but at least somewhat like me and want to talk to me, right? ;)

Yeah, well. I am a total sweetheart, just ask one of the many people I have humiliated, driven to attempted suicide, injured or sabotaged in the past. They’ll tell you some great stories. I decided I didn’t like them from very early on, however - so thus far you’re okay.

I am forced to attend one by my folks. Apparently they reckon I’m some sort of crazy narcissist, and I need to stop defiling the Smythe name. I just reckon they want someone to do their parenting for them. 

[Private]: Interpret it however you like.

I like how you’ve summed that up like they were all achievements. But, hey, lucky me, I guess.

So you’re a rich kid then? I mean, it sounds just like that. Maybe you are a crazy narcissist. Then again, what’s wrong with that? Look at it on the bright side, though—better hire someone to do the parenting for you instead of leaving your children to raise themselves and strip them from their childhood in the process. Oh, and the leather couch? Can be real comfy.

Liiiiiizzieeee~~ 

lizjohnson:

I know, Elijah. I’m not stupid.

They weren’t silver. The cutlery is gold.

Of course you’re not. But you shouldn’t lie to yourself, it’ll only make things ten times worse.

God, who has golden cutlery, these days? It’s cheesy. Anyway, looks like I’m going to be making stakes out of a freaking chandelier. That should be fun.

Okay now there are too many of you. 

sebastian-thedisneyslave:

[Private]: There you go then. I don’t hand out compliments often, about once a year, so you better hold onto that one.

God, don’t you backhandedly compliment me. At this rate, we might actually begin to tolerate each other’s company, and we can’t have that. But thanks, I guess. You’re definitely an interesting conversational partner, and I just have a lot to say. I also love the sound of my own voice, which helps.

Oh, I am a dick for the fun of it. I think it’s hilarious. But it’s my blatant disregard for other people’s feelings that really packs a punch. That and the fact that I have no shame and am incapable of remorse. I’m a callous individual, really - or at least, according to my shrink.

[Private]: Aren’t I special, then…

Mhm, let’s try to prevent something like that from happening. I think I like you better when I don’t like you. If that makes sense in any way. Could say the same about you, it doesn’t happen often that I’m still engaged in a conversation after so long.

Yeah, okay, now it isn’t just a speculation, you really are a masochist. Gee, I really have stumbled upon a sweetheart here. Though I have to say I’ve met things, people, I mean, with a total incapability to sympathize, so I’m not all too scared away just yet.

A shrink, huh? Were you forced to attend one by your folks?

Okay now there are too many of you. 

sebastianfuckingsmythe-bitch:

[Private]: If you were sane, you’d be boring - so think of it as a weird backhanded compliment, at least.

What’s interesting about you? I’m not sure. You completely disagree with everything I say, think I’m annoying and don’t like me very much. It’s entertaining. Maybe I’m just a masochist. Also, in case you haven’t noticed - I’m very good at talking.

Oh, there are a few skeletons. I’m a complete sociopath, in case you hadn’t guessed. I do not cope well in the company of others. I know exactly what you mean when you say it’s hard to measure what is right and what is wrong when you’re already so far past right that it’s laughable.

[Private]: Well, they have always mistaken the insane for the genius and the other way around, so maybe it’s a compliment indeed.

You’re wrong on that, I’m starting to think you can be likeable. On occasion. A rare occasion, but still. You have potential, is what I’m saying. Although it wouldn’t surprise me if you were in fact a masochist. And you’re right on the talking part—you probably ramble even more than I do. Which says a lot.

Actually, I hadn’t guessed. I just figured you were a complete dick for the fun of it.  To be fair, a lot of people wouldn’t know to distinguish right from wrong, even if there was a neon sign on top of it. We’re only human, we can only possess so much intelligence. And, really, who decides what’s wrong and what’s right, anyway? I guess it depends on your definition of the two.

Okay now there are too many of you. 

sebastianfuckingsmythe-bitch:

[Private]: Yeah, the more I get to know you, the more surprising that is.

Seeing as I have never been in that situation, yes - I am finding it hard to relate. However, I’m not suggesting that you forget about it - how can you? That’s pretty big shit. But you should put it behind you, learn from your mistake and move on. Yeah you’re going to feel the shame, and yeah it’s awkward and horrible, but unless you stop dwelling on it it’s not going to go away.

[Private]: Not sure if that should offend me or not.

I’ve learned from my mistake, that I’m sure of, but I’m just wondering what other stuff I can deem right if what I did seemed pretty right to me at the time. And I know you can’t just forget about stuff like that, my whole life is proof of that, but sometimes it sincerely fucking sucks.

Enough about that, though. Tell me, what is so interesting about a whack job like myself that you haven’t stopped talking yet?

Or, better yet, enough about me at all. What about you? Has your life always been ever so peachy? Or do you have to cope with the occasional skeletons in your closet, too?

Okay now there are too many of you. 

sebastianfuckingsmythe-bitch:

[Private]: I don’t know, those with mental health disorders are capable of some crazy stuff. We all do shit that is perhaps stupid and wrong, but I’m not going to sit here all hypocritically and judge you. I’m not condoning it, and I definitely think you shouldn’t try it again, but twins have a different relationship to normal siblings. I mean, it’s not like you are attracted to her, right? You were… just trying to help her out, in your own way. Yes you overstepped a boundary, but it’s not like you had creepy, incestuous motives. Just… I don’t know, sweep it under the carpet and don’t do whatever the fuck you did again. 

[Private]: Surprisingly enough, I don’t actually have any mental disorders, not ones that I’ve come across, at least.

I wasn’t thinking about trying it again, once is enough. And I suppose twins do have a different relationship but I’m not sure if this was in the package deal. God, no, I’m not attracted to her, I’ve never looked at her like that, ever, and am not planning to change that. Well, part of of me still thinks I’ve helped her out. In a very controversial way, I suppose. And then there’s the other part that’s mostly just ashamed. Might be the right time to note that I’ve never felt shame before, so I’ve had quite some new experiences lately.

How do you sweep something like that under the carpet? I know it sounds easy, from your point of view, but it’s not something you forget with a snap of your fingers.